Sometimes Things Work

Sometimes Things Work

Life often throws you curveballs and sometimes it just throws rocks. Recently my mother’s ten-year struggle with cancer came to an end. There was a long, long list in the back of my mind as my mom lay dying, a list of all the things that could go wrong: She might linger in pain, my siblings might fight, my dad might collapse, the funeral home might take advantage of our grief. The list was long and realistically there were lots of things that could have gone wrong. But they didn’t go wrong.

Instead of fleeing from what was actually happening and wallowing in fear, my father and I did our human best to stay with the present moment. My mother got to see all of her children and to say farewell. She did not spend her last days in horrible pain. The drugs helped. My brothers and sisters did not fight. We were all sad to be losing Mom, but we were glad to see her resting peacefully at last after a long fight. Dad did not collapse in grief. The funeral home was fantastic. We couldn’t push the situation away, so we just quietly moved through it. And things were alright. Things worked.

So many people sacrificed and gave of their time and their love during Mom’s illness and after her death. Dad’s 24/7 care was matched only by Mom’s unending concern for all of us. Relatives and friends came from all over the country to pay their respects. And we all shared our memories, our stories, our love and our tender aching hearts. Thanks to everyone for being so wonderful.

Sometimes things work. And the fact that everything worked so well at a time when we are told that everything will fall apart says something, something I am still trying to figure out. Maybe the Big Scary Traumas in life are only big and scary as we anticipate them. Maybe the Universe does not throw things at us that we can’t handle. Maybe the present moment contains everything we need to be at peace. Maybe when our focus shifts to those around us and what they need our own ego-driven needs and desires are reduced. Maybe we all can grow up and mature. Maybe we can choose our responses to even the most horrible circumstances. Maybe there is more love and compassion in this world than we normally notice.

What I do know is that my mother gave me an incredible gift. She asked me to stay until the end, not for her but for my dad. She helped me to focus on those around me and got me out of my own ego. Mom gave me the opportunity to watch the end of this mortal life and helped me to stay with it and not run away, physically or mentally, to stay with the present moment. Mom helped me to see what is truly important in this life, and it wasn’t work or fame or money. Mom showed me that we are rich only if our lives are filled with love and attention and compassion for those around us. Mom showed me that when your heart is filled with love death is not a frightening ending, but a wondrous and joyful beginning.

Thanks Mom for showing me that sometimes things work.