Listening To: Myself

Art is not what I do for a living.
But Art is what I do when I am living.
I had a few friends who went into commercial art for a living. And they all stopped producing their own art (which they loved) and began hating the commercial art they were producing for a living. Art went from being enjoyable personal expression and became hated public product. I, on the other hand, have always felt that my artistic expression was a necessary and valuable personal expression. Art is part of my practice, part of my psychology, part of my intersecting with and making sense of the wider world. So I decided years ago that I needed my art for me and that commercializing it could poison it.

So I make extremely personal and perhaps egocentric art.
And I make no real effort to publicize or commercialize my art.
Only a handful of friends and family (people who have to bump into me anyway) are exposed to what I do artistically. Some of them tolerate my art. Some of them yawn and roll their eyes. Some of them genuinely seem to like my drawings and music. But mostly, I have to admit, the audience for my art is me. And as long as I am enjoying producing and reviewing my art, I am satisfied.

But sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a wider audience. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to make art for a living. But that would mean making an effort to market my art and myself. It could just be fear or laziness that stops me from taking that road. What if I’m not as good as I think? What if I tried really hard and failed? What if people didn’t want to pay for what I do? But then again I like making a steady salary. I like being able to produce what I want when I want, so that it feels like a genuine personal expression instead of a job.

So for reasons dark and light, I keep my art to and for myself.

But I do stick some of it up on my website (www.whatdoweknow.com) and my art blog (www.thunderecho.blogspot.com). And strangely enough a small handful of complete strangers have expressed an interest in my art, poetry and music. A few (mostly in Japan for whatever reason) have even paid cash to have Thunder Echo CDs mailed to them. And I still harbor secret fantasies of being “discovered” by some rich person who wants to pay me huge amounts of money for my art. But I know what the odds are of that happening…

So to my friends and family: Sorry but I will keep putting my stuff on the refrigerator and asking you what you think.
To the handful of anonymous fans: Thanks for being interested enough to drop me note and listening to my music.
To the Artist: Dude, you are a weird fucker, but you make me laugh. So keep making music. And keep making doodles. And keep throwing random words together. Cause you let me know I am alive.